She ain't quite right
by yesimadramaqueen
Summary: Continuation of "Bringin' her home." Takes place directly after. They get a wave from an old friend in trouble. Cargo from Patience comes in handy. They get a new crew member. Mal and River enjoy their new relationship. R&R plz
1. Chapter 1

"It's gettin' late," he commented as he lightly ran his hand down her arm making her shiver happily under his delicate touch.

They were still together on the couch and everyone else had gone off to bed.

"It is," she agreed, completely content right where they were.

"Are you tired?"

"A little. Are you?"

"A bit."

She looked up at him with a typical River look. It spelled stubbornness.

"I'm not going to bed unless you're asleep _right_ next to me."

"Darlin', we've just admitted how we felt. I don't think it'd be right 'n proper."

"Just sleeping. Since when are you 'right and proper' anyways?"

She had a point.

"Please? What if I have a nightmare?"

She looked at him with those big eyes. He broke down…_again_.

"Fine! But if Simon kills me, it's on _you_."

She smiled triumphantly and took his good arm. They went to her room where they crawled into her bed together fully dressed. She set her head on his chest and draped her arm across him. He smiled and put his arm around her and then kissed her on the top of the head.

"Goodnight, sweetheart."

"Not good enough, Mal…" she said playfully as she went for his lips. They kissed and then she settled back down against the rise and fall of his chest.

They both fell asleep and slept better than they had in years.

They woke up the next morning grinning from ear to ear. Before he could even say, "Good morning" she had kissed him again. He ran his hand through her silky hair, effectively deepening the kiss.

"That's the best good mornin' I've ever had," he whispered against her cheek. She giggled and then got out of bed. He sat up, slightly disappointed their time together had ended.

"Not for long," she sang with another giggle.

"In my head again, are you?"

"Maybe."

He got up and kissed her neck, thinking about something to make her laugh. When she did, he knew she was playing around in his thoughts again.

"Caught you," he chuckled.

"I can't help it! Your thoughts are fun to read!" she cried defensively.

"Truthfully darlin', I don't mind a gorram bit." She smiled. "That ain't an invite though."

"I know."

"I should go get cleaned up," he sighed.

Before he made it out of the door, she wrapped her arms around him and kissed him on the cheek.

"Not good enough, River…" he teased as he snaked his arms around her waist. They shared the most passionate kiss yet. He stumbled back into the doorway to catch himself from the sheer force of it.

"Was that enough?" she asked sweetly.

"I don't think it ever will be."

She blushed and then he flashed a grin before going to his bunk to get cleaned up.

He got to the breakfast table to find that only Zoe was awake.

"Morning, Sir."

She was grinning widely. He gave her a curious look and then moved to the coffee.

"What has you all smiles?" he asked.

"I could say the same."

He hadn't realized that he had been grinning like an idiot again.

"You first," he insisted.

"I think we're grinning for the same reason."

"I doubt it."

"Really?" she asked suggestively.

"River and I are together," he explained with that goofy grin. He tried to make it go away, but it wouldn't.

"I take it you told her."

"I did."

"Congratulations, Sir."

"Why are you smilin', Zo?"

"Because I saw you and River kissin' last night and I know for a fact that you didn't sleep in your bunk."

"Hey! Whoa! Wait a minute!"

"I saw you comin' from the passenger dorms this mornin'. I was there myself checkin' in on our passenger. I saw you and her in the doorway all-"

"I'm gonna stop you right there. Yes okay. I was there, but it was _only_ sleepin' I swear!"

"I've never seen you so rejuvenated after a night's sleep."

"I've never felt this way 'fore. It's a time for never's to happen apparently."

"I'm happy for you," she said genuinely.

River came dancing in gracefully while humming a song that sounded familiar to Mal.

"Hey there. What are you hummin'? It sounds a mite familiar."

"That's because you were humming it."

"When?"

"This morning on your way up the steps."

"Huh, I was hummin'?"

"You were."

"Zoe, I'm grinnin' like an idiot _and_ hummin' now. I'm concerned somethin' is very wrong with me."

"There wasn't anything wrong before?" Zoe asked skeptically. River laughed. "Sorry, I couldn't resist."

"No, you could of. You just…didn't."

River laughed at Mal's response, knowing it was completely true. She got a cup of coffee and then gave him a light kiss on the mouth before sitting down. She knew that Zoe knew, so she wasn't concerned. Zoe gave Mal an amusing look after though. Mal just shrugged and started humming on his way to the table.

He bypassed his usual spot at the head of the table so he could sit next to River.

"So Zo, how's our prisoner…'passenger' doin'?" Mal asked.

"As good as can be expected considerin' we're dumpin' him on Whitefall."

"The look on his face was priceless! Can you picture that dandy livin' with them folk?" he laughed.

"They're going to eat him alive," River said while attempting to suppress a giggle. It slipped out anyway.

"Are we literally just gonna dump him in the desert?" Zoe asked.

"That's the plan anyhow," he shrugged. "Why? Does it bother you?"

"It seems too nice," Zoe sighed.

"He helped us get our albatross back. It's least we could do."

River beamed as he slid his arm around her and kissed the top of her head.

Jayne wandered in looking half asleep. He didn't notice that Mal and River were awfully cozy. He went straight for the liquor and then the coffee.

"No one's cookin' anything yet?" he grunted.

"He has a point. I'm on it," River sighed.

She got up and floated over to the kitchen. Mal got up and followed.

"I'll give you a hand with that."

"Do you even know _how_ to cook anything?" she responded skeptically.

"Yes!"

"What?"

He paused. Zoe chuckled. He shot her a heated glance that made her laugh harder.

"I thought so."

"I'll learn as I go," he offered.

"Fine. If you insist."

He grinned and they started making breakfast. Jayne didn't figure out that Mal and River were together until they flat out kissed in front of him. The signs were there before that, he was just too blind to see it. However, he did suspect something was up when Mal wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her neck.

"Are you two…ya know?" he finally asked.

Mal looked at River and then at Jayne. "What gave us away?" he asked sarcastically.

"The kissin' is what! Her doc brother is gonna kill you with that hairpin he had fer that Mathis guy!"

Mal had considered that, but they were grown men. They could handle it like adults.

"Speakin' of Mathis, would you do me a kindness and drop by his cell…I mean 'room' and give him this protein bar?" Mal asked.

"Sure. I need to sharpen my knife anyhow."

He took the protein bar from Mal. He looked at Jayne worriedly.

"Not sharpen on _him_ just _in front_ of him all scary like."

"Whatever Jayne. I'm not askin', just keep him alive."

Jayne smiled and then disappeared towards the passenger dorms.

Kaylee came into the kitchen next.

"I smell food!" she exclaimed.

"We've been cookin'," Mal smiled. River cleared her throat with a classic River look. "_She's_ been cookin' and I've been helpin'. Is that better?"

"Much," she nodded.

"Well I aim to please," he grinned.

Kaylee looked between the two of them with a sly smile on her face.

"You two ain't…together…are ya?" she asked.

Mal looked at River. "Don't tell Simon yet."

Kaylee let out a typical _"I'm so happy" _squeal and hugged them both tightly.

"This is all kinds of shiny! You two look so cute together!"

They both blushed and then got pulled into another hug.

"Who else knows?" Kaylee asked.

"Everyone…except Simon," River replied.

"Aw, he'll be fine with it. Maybe a lil upset, but it'll be just shiny! When, how, where did this happen?" Kaylee asked excitedly.

River looked at Mal with a smile. He nodded and she walked way with Kaylee and two plates of food to have some girl talk.

"Say Zo, would you mind-"

"Stayin' whilst you talk to Simon just in case? Not at all."

"Thanks. I can always count on you."

"Yes Sir, you can."

They sat down and had some breakfast. Simon hobbled in and got a plate of food silently and then joined them at the table.

"Morning," he said with a quick half smile.

"Mornin' to you too, Doc. I need to talk to you 'bout somethin' important," Mal began cautiously.

"Alright, what is it?"

"It's about River."

"Is she okay?"

"She's fine. This is more about River and me than just River."

Simon looked at him carefully.

"I love your sister and we're sorta together now as a couple."

He waited for the inevitable blow up and death threats. Surprisingly, neither came. Simon just nodded calmly.

"Okay."

"What?" Mal asked.

"River's an adult, she can make her own decisions. You say that you love her, if she feels the same, who am I to keep her from you? But, if you ever hurt her at all…I know over one hundred ways to kill you with these chopsticks."

"Understood, Doc."

"I'd also really appreciate it if you keep your 'private business' with my sister mostly private. The less I know about her sexing, the better."

Mal turned an impressive shade of scarlet and Zoe started laughing.

"Zhukou," Mal growled.

Instead of shutting up, Simon joined Zoe in their uncontrollable laughter. Jayne walked in.

"What?" he asked.

"I made Mal blush!" Simon roared.

Jayne snickered.

"Yeah, yeah. Very gorram funny!" Mal snapped. He got up and started walking away.

"Where are you goin'?" Zoe called.

"Escaping the laughter."

They resumed laughing as he vanished towards the bridge. Laughter and blushing aside, everyone took the news well and he couldn't have been happier about it.


	2. Chapter 2

He retreated to the bridge, but he could still hear some of the laughter. He shook his head with a sigh and busied himself with checking on his ship. He was surprised when he received a wave.

"Badger, how can I help you?" he asked.

"I jus' wanted to let you know that Ducky has been taken care of. How's the little one? Did you get her back?"

"She's fine. I can't say the same about you though. You're actin' almost human."

This warranted a laugh.

"I do have my moments. I guess you can say I'm feelin' a bit guilty and I'm concerned 'bout our business relationship. So, is there anything I can do to make up for it?"

Mal let out a low whistle. "Are you sure you're okay? I'm a mite confused. Did you wake up with soul this mornin'?"

"This offer won't last, Reynolds."

"Now that you mention it, we left a few things we bought."

"What were they?"

"Medical supplies and food."

"I'll see what I can do."

"Thanks. I assume I'll owe you one for this?"

"You might. We'll see."

"That's more like the Badger I know." He got ready to cut the wave but stopped. "When you said 'Ducky has been taken care of' what exactly did you mean?"

"He's…on hiatus…so to speak."

"I won't ask. Until we speak again."

"'Til then."

He cut the wave. The day was just getting better and better. When he didn't think that it could get any better, River came onto the bridge.

"You're on _my_ side, Mal."

He turned around to meet her gaze. She was in her pink floral dress with white sweater combo. It moved with her as she swayed from side to side, waiting for him to move. She knew that he wouldn't so she went over to him and climbed onto his lap. He curled his good arm around her back. She looked down into his blue eyes with a faint smirk. Then, she bent down and brushed her lips across his. Her long hair tickled his neck.

"This is _our_ bridge. I guess I could share once in awhile…" she shrugged. "_If _you'll share some of the other parts of the ship."

"Hm, where might you be goin' with this?" he asked playfully.

"You'll find out soon enough," she whispered with a sly smile. She kissed him again and slid off of his lap. "Simon needs some help getting around. I'll be back."

"I'm gonna hold you to that, sweetheart…" he replied. He kissed her hand like a gentleman. She left just as quickly as she had arrived.

She returned an hour or so later to take over piloting the ship. They shared a few minutes together before he had to leave and do some "captainy" things, one of which was dropping by to visit Mathis and make sure he was bound..."comfortable."

"You can't just drop me off on Whitefall! I have standing!" he protested.

"Not anymore you don't. Stop wastin' your energy arguin' and just enjoy the ride."

"As your prisoner?"

"_Passenger_."

"I'd hate to experience what your definition of 'prisoner' is…"

"Someone will bring you food," Mal walked outside of Mathis' room and then popped his head back in before shutting the door. "_Eventually_."

That night they all met up for dinner. That had always been Mal's favorite time of day. Dinner. He got to spend time with his crew, his family. He sometimes mused who would be who.

Zoe is his twin sister. She wasn't really older than he was and she definitely wasn't younger. They shared a bond that no one else could comprehend. Not even Wash could figure it out. She always had his back. They rarely fought and they thought the same way.

Jayne is his younger brother. Annoying and always trying to push him out of the spotlight, or in this case the leadership role. He had the impatience of a younger sibling. Mal cared about him, but his mercenary could be the most immature meathead in the 'verse.

Kaylee was his younger sister. The bright and sunny little sibling that you get along with and adore. That was Kaylee. She was sweet and innocent. He loved his mei mei.

Simon didn't have a place in the family really until after Miranda. He was the brother-in-law. You like him…sometimes. You respect him…sometimes. He can get on your last nerve and get in the way of the rest of the family, but he's a good guy and he loves your sister.

Book was the father. The voice of reason. Of course he rarely listened, but still he was there for advice.

Wash was the quirky old family friend. You felt like you knew him forever and he always had the best jokes and stories.

River…she's hard to place. But as he looked over at her and threaded his fingers with hers under the table, he knew where she belonged in the eccentric family. She belonged with him.

She leaned across the table and whispered in his ear, "I agree."

He smiled and squeezed her hand softly. A proximity alert went off. Mal stood up first. River was about to stand, but he held up a hand. "I got it. I'll be right back." He didn't want to interrupt his family's dinner.

He went up to the bridge. Luckily it was just a freighter passing by. He didn't hear her as much as he felt her enter the room. She wrapped her arms around his waist and set her chin on his shoulder with some difficulty.

"You're on _my_ bridge again," she whispered against his neck. It sent chills through his body.

"I thought you said you'd share," he grinned as he turned around.

She slid her hands under his suspenders and pulled him into a kiss. She rested her lips against his even after they had stopped.

"If you'd share other parts of the ship," she reminded him mischievously.

"Like?"

"A night in _your_ bunk sounds fair."

His heart started to race. She ran her hand through his hair with a sultry look in her big brown eyes.

"Darlin', we've been together less than a day. It just don't seem right hoppin' into bed so quick," he said gently. Another one of River's typical, _"Oh please" _looks was cast in his direction.

"I don't wanna take advantage or nothin' and after all that's happened I just…" he stopped in his tracks as she moved closer to him and wrapped her arms around his neck. His strength was fading. She saw all of his apprehensions and couldn't help but laugh when she stumbled onto one in particular.

"Special hell?" she giggled.

"Well…" he shrugged sheepishly. She cupped his chin and made his eyes meet hers.

"If you _really_ believed that, we wouldn't be together."

She had a point. He gave into a soft and quick kiss before pulling back, trying to be the reasonable one.

"It's just a mite fast is all."

"Do you love me?" she asked.

"Yes. Of course. I meant what I said."

"How long have you?"

"Close to a year I s'ppose."

"I love you. I have for a long time. The way I see it, mathematically speaking, is that the amount of time I've loved you plus the amount of time you've loved me plus the time we've been together as a couple is X+Y+Z. Then the ratio from the time two people start dating to the time they take their relationship to the next level is PN. Since we've just started dating, but bypassed from liking each other to already loving each other means that we can subtract U from PN. So, bringing all of this data into account, I'd say that X+Y+Z=PN-U. Which means, that the time works out evenly and technically it isn't rushing into anything."

He looked down at her, absorbing all of what she had just told him.

"So you're sayin' that although we haven't been a couple for more than a day, it all works out?"

"Yes. Mathematically speaking."

"So we wouldn't be rushin' anything?"

"No. The equation adds up."

He grinned like an idiot _again_. "Who am I to argue with math?"

He kissed her harder than before. It left them panting for a few moments after it ended.

"I love my mathematician. What do you say we try this equation out?"

"I do enjoy math…"

She took his hand, the one attached to the good arm, and led him to his bunk.

"Ladies first," he whispered, pressing his mouth right up to her ear. She shivered happily as he kissed down her neck.

She reluctantly went down the ladder. She would rather have stayed and enjoyed the moment, but she didn't want anyone seeing and neither did he. They had enough comments for one day.

He followed shortly after. She twirled around and waited until he had shut the hatch. They looked into each other's eyes for a lingering moment and then they darted to each other, locking in the most amazing kiss they had ever had.

She slid his suspenders off of his broad shoulders while his hands roamed her back somewhat awkwardly because of the heavy cast. She laughed when it got caught in her hair. He smiled and gently untangled it. He put his hand on her face and guided her lips back to his. She started to work on unbuttoning his shirt with one hand while the other rested on the nape of his neck.

He let his mouth explore any bare skin he could reach while she continued the process of getting the gorram shirt off of him. It was taking forever. She finally got the last button and he frantically tried to shrug it off. It worked on one side, but the cast was a hindrance once again. She was able to get it off of him finally. Her tiny hands moved over his skin, bewitching him completely. She kissed one of his many scars.

"I just wanna let you know that I really _really_ truly and completely love you," he whispered sweetly into her temple before kissing her there. She smiled as he nuzzled into her hair with his nose.

"I love you too," sure her declaration wasn't as articulate, but the way that she said it sent his heart into overdrive. She said it sincerely with all of her soul in every word.

They found each other's lips again. Her giggle was muffled as he stuck his tongue in her mouth. He traced her collarbone with kisses and then lightly tugged on the string that held her sweater shut. It untied and he helped her pull it off. She moved back towards his bed and sat down on it while he worked on getting his boots off. She, like ninety percent of the time, was barefoot. He hopped out of the first boot. She laughed, completely enjoying the show. He yanked the other one off and tossed it carelessly behind him while gazing into her eyes.

He sat beside her on the bed and kissed her shoulder, like in his dreams, and pulled one of the dress straps down. She helped with the other one. He cursed when he saw that she had on her dancer shorts and a tank underneath. She blushed, at the cursing or his thoughts or maybe both, and planted a kiss on his neck before pulling the tank off. The undressing continued until their clothes ended up in various places around his bunk.

She kissed him everywhere she possibly could and he was left to groan under her skilled mouth and tongue. He ran his hands over every inch of her milky white skin. All he could think about was how much he loved this gorram woman and how lucky he was to be with her. She felt the same way about him, but he couldn't hear her thoughts like she could hear his.

They unraveled together, letting all of their love for each other burn like a supernova in the Black. She curled up across his chest and he draped his good arm across her back. She smiled at him and gave him an enchanting kiss before falling asleep. He fell asleep shortly after that. He woke up when he felt her stirring beside him. She was just readjusting, but it was enough to wake him.

He looked at her with the idiot grin on his face. She was brighter than all the stars in the 'verse put together and more beautiful. She had a ghost of a smile on her tasty lips too. He didn't want to wake her, but he wanted to kiss her. So, the inner battle raged on. Kiss her and wake her or not kiss her and watch her sleep. Luckily she yawned and slowly opened her eyes. The first thing she saw was his smiling face.

"Good morning," she muttered.

He didn't waste any time. He kissed her hard. She gripped his hair and kissed back just as hard.

"Mornin' to you too, darlin'."

He used her abdomen as a pillow. His hair tickled her so she giggled. He caught onto her ticklishness, so he started kissing her sensitive stomach. The giggle turned into a laugh as she wiggled under his unmerciful lips. He worked his way up to her neck and rested his head on her shoulder. She curled her arm across his shoulders and tenderly caressed his muscular arm.

"I should probably leave. I don't want everyone on this ship knowing our business."

He looked at her with sad puppy dog eyes. "Don't go! Please?"

"I need to take a shower!" she argued.

"I like the sound of that…" he replied suggestively with a light kiss on the cheek.

"Mal, it's early. Everyone will be up in an hour. I'll see you at breakfast."

"An hour is too long, sweetheart."

She kissed him and then stroked his hair while looking into his eyes.

"I'll miss you," she said softly. It made him melt.

"I already do."

She smiled and rolled out of bed to get semi-dressed. She moved to the ladder with her rest of her clothes tucked under her arm.

"I love you," he called.

"I love you more," she replied while going up the ladder.

"Do not!"

"Do to!" her voice floated down from the corridor above. He heard the hatch shut and he sighed deeply.

"Do not…"


	3. Chapter 3

He got up and ready for the day shortly after that. When he got into the kitchen, River was up and making breakfast. She was actually a decent cook. He wondered what she wasn't good at. After the night they shared, he could safely say with a great deal of certitude: nothing.

He entered the room singing. She wasn't surprised that he was there, but she was sincerely surprised that he was singing and he was good at it.

"You know I need you and there's no way I'll be leavin' 'till we're kissin' on the porch swing. Oh my little sweet thing…" he sang as he wrapped an arm around her waist and took her hand.

They danced as he hummed. He twirled her around. "Standin' here feelin' like a love struck Romeo. All I wanna do is hold you close and steal little more time with you, is that such a crime?" he continued to sing.

He finished it off by giving her a kiss on the cheek.

"You're just too gorram adorable," she sighed.

"You're tragically cute too, sweetheart."

Everyone noticed Mal's great mood. Even Mathis noticed when he only threatened him once. It was a cheerful trip to Whitefall between Kaylee and Simon's news and River and Mal's new relationship. Even Zoe started smiling more.

They reached Whitefall a few days later in the afternoon. Jayne took one of Mathis' arms while Mal took the other. They walked down the ramp and out about twenty feet. They took the cuffs off of him and pushed him towards civilization.

"Bye. Have a nice life," Mal said coolly. Jayne just grunted.

The sound of hooves echoed throughout the canyon where River set the ship down. Mal and Jayne already had their guns drawn by the time Mathis hit the ground with his arms in the air. Six horses showed up and on the horse in the middle was none other than Patience.

"I heard some garbage showed up on my planet, oh and ya brought yer ship!" Patience laughed.

"Patience, it's a nightmare as always."

"Listen Malcolm, I need a job done and I think you're the one to do it."

"Let me think about that. You shot me once, you were gonna shoot me but didn't, and then the last time I saw you, you hired someone else to shoot me. I'm just a little hesitant to sign up with you again."

"Who's the cowering idiot?" she asked while motioning to Mathis with her gun.

"No one. We were just droppin' him off to start over here."

"He a friend of yours?" she asked.

"No."

"I'll kill him or toss him in jail for ya if you take my job, and there's payment."

"How much?" Jayne asked.

"It depends. I need something moved and sold. If the buyer makes good on the set price, I'll give you fifty percent."

"Mal, _fifty_…" Jayne muttered.

"If he don't make good?"

"Forty."

"Only a ten percent loss, Mal. _Ten_."

"I know Jayne. What do you need us to move?"

"Just one crate of goods."

"Not cows this time…" Jayne added.

"If you can spot me a little up front, I'll do it. Where do the goods have to go and who's the buyer?"

"The goods are goin' to Arachne. The buyer is named Quinn. I can spot ya a little, not much, but a bit. I need this moved. The meet is two weeks from today."

"Arachne is just a week away."

"Take yer sweet time, I don't rightly give a damn what ya do! Just make the drop, get the money, and let me know when ya get it and we'll talk from there."

She pulled out a tiny sack of money and threw it at Mal's feet. He picked it up and against his better judgment, agreed.

"Okay Patience. I'm givin' you another chance. The next time we meet, _no guns_. I mean it. Now where is this cargo?"

"My guys will get it to ya. Hey, Sparky, get that snifflin' excuse for a man to town. We'll find use for him."

One of the guys pulled Mathis onto his horse and rode off.

They stood in an awkward silence, all three of them holding onto their guns tightly just in case. The men came back with a large crate. It was big enough for a body and had little holes around the sides.

"You got a person in there?" he asked.

"No."

"What is it?" Jayne asked.

"Food. It requires air flow."

Mal didn't ask. He just motioned to Jayne to grab the other side.

"You better not try to shoot me again or have anyone else shoot me," Mal warned.

"Wouldn't think of it," Patience smiled.

He shook his head and started the walk back to the ship. They set the crate down and then went up the steps without a second thought.

********

River set the ship down in a secluded canyon. She leaned back in the pilot's chair after tucking her legs against her chest. Now she just had to wait for the order to take off. She was glad the hundan Mathis would finally be leaving. His presence was unsettling at best.

"Do you mind if I sit?" Zoe asked from the doorway.

"Not at all."

Zoe sat down in the copilot's chair. She felt a pang of grief while looking at River so comfortable in Wash's chair. She figured it was River's chair now, but to her it would away be Wash's.

"I haven't had the chance to talk to you yet," Zoe began. River knew what was coming, but decided to let Zoe go on with it. "I like you, you're my crew. You're a good person and you make the captain happy. I ain't never seen him this happy since when I first met him. I wish you all the best, but if you hurt him I'll hurt you. I don't care if you're a trained assassin. I don't care that you took down a room of Reavers. I'll take you down before you can even read my mind."

River suppressed a smile. She had Simon to watch out for her and Mal had Zoe. She didn't doubt for a second that Zoe would take her down…or try to.

River just nodded with a faint smile. Zoe nodded back.

"Do you love him?" Zoe asked.

"Yes."

"Then we shouldn't have a problem."

"No, we shouldn't."

"Good. Then we understand each other."

"Yes."

There was a long and uneasy pause.

"Hey there ladies," Mal smiled as he entered the bridge. They both nodded. His gaze switched between his two best friends. "What's goin' on?"

"Girl talk," River said with a smile.

He gave her a skeptical look, but didn't push it.

"Well, I ran into Patience-" he couldn't finish the thought.

"You ain't shot. Is Jayne?" Zoe asked.

"No."

"So they missed?"

"There wasn't any shootin'!"

"It's a miracle," River commented.

"Ha-ha. We got a job. I need you set a course for Arachne, or at least towards it. The drop is in two weeks, so we can take our time. We get fifty percent if they pay full price."

"That's good. We'll give it our _best shot_."

River giggled.

"Clever. They took Mathis to town, so he's dealt with. I also got a little pay up front, so we're shiny."

"Good. I'll leave you two be."

Zoe got up and walked off of the bridge. Mal gave River a quick peck on the temple.

"Girl talk, eh?" he asked doubtfully.

"She was just being protective."

River set the course and they took off. The day went on and the cargo was basically left forgotten in the cargo bay.

Mal and River lay awake together in his bed that night. He smiled down at her and played with her hair. She smiled at him.

"I think you should sing me to sleep," she said mischievously.

"I'm not that good of a singer."

"I think you are. You could give up this life of crime and become a famous singer and have your own band. Jayne could be in it as the guitarist. Kaylee could work the special effects…"

"You have it all planned don't you?"

"I'm working on it."

He laughed. The moment was interrupted by the wave alert. Mal growled and got ready to get up and answer it, but River caught his hand.

"Zoe's up. She's getting it."

He grinned and got back in bed. They were just about comfortable again when-

"Sir, the wave is for you. Is it a…good time?" she asked cautiously, completely aware that River was probably with him.

"Yeah I s'ppose. Is it anyone I should get dressed for?"

"I'd say so."

He cursed and got back out of bed.

"I should go," River sighed sadly.

"No, you can stay. Just…outta frame."

"Embarrassed by me?"

"No way, just don't want them seein' my sweetheart naked. They might want you for their ownselves, and I don't wanna share."

She laughed and got out of bed with him. He pulled on his shirt and she slipped into his coat. She climbed onto his desk chair and started spinning around in circles. He watched her hair fly around her along with the coat, giving him just a taunting glimpse of the bare skin underneath.

"Keeping the person…" she said melodically.

"Okay, okay. Zo, send it down."

The wave appeared on the screen. He was still watching River when it did.

"Hello, Mal."

His neck turned to the screen so fast it cracked defiantly. River stopped spinning.

"Inara…" Mal stuttered.

"I wouldn't be waving you unless it was very important. I'm having some difficulty with a client. He's becoming a little too pushy and aggressive with me. I was hoping that you might be able to help me. I need transport away from here. Serenity was the first thing I thought of."

"Well if you're humped, we'll help. Where are you?"

"Alpheos."

Mal discreetly looked over at River. She nodded and held up two fingers and mouthed, "Days."

"That's…two days…" he paused and River nodded again. "From where we are. We can swing by and pick you up. Where do you need to go?"

"Anywhere but here."

"We're headin' to Arachne. Is that okay?"

"I just need to get away."

"Okay. We'll be there in two days. Meet us…" he looked at River again.

She mouthed the words, "Westside docks."

"…at the Westside docks. We'll let you know when we're close."

"Thank you very much. I am in your debt," she bowed her head.

"No problem. See you soon."

He cut the wave with a weird mix of emotions sloshing around in his stomach.

River got up and wrapped her arms around him comfortingly.

"You're foggy. You haven't spoken to her in about a year and then she just contacts you out of nowhere for a ride. You're worried about her because she sounds like she's in trouble, but you're also angry because you feel like she's using you after she hurt you the way that she did. Through all of that though, you still care about her and always will. You'll always love her on some level because that's just who you are. It's one of the trillion or so reasons I love you."

She could _always_ put things into perspective. He held her closer.

"Are you okay with her comin' back given my history with her?"

"Yes. She needs our help and I like her. But it's just history. What occurred then is in the past, and the past is what makes us who we are today. And I _really_ like who you are."

"I love you."

"I love you more."

"That ain't mathematically possible, darlin'."


	4. Chapter 4

They went up to the bridge and set the course. Zoe was kind enough to avoid making any comments about their arrival from his bunk together looking a bit disheveled.

"What's the plan, Sir?" Zoe asked.

"Inara's in trouble. Some client's gettin' a mite pushy. So we're gonna pick her up in two days at the Westside docks and give her a lift to Arachne."

"Arachne ain't really a place for a Companion," Zoe commented.

"It's got cities. She'll be able to get a ride to wherever she wants from there."

"Are you sure you're okay with this?" Zoe asked seriously.

"She needs help. I'm not one to just desert old friends."

Kaylee was so excited to see Inara again. She couldn't wait to share her good news. Mal was hoping that they had spoken recently so he wouldn't have to tell her about his relationship with River. He figured he'd just let her figure it out for herself.

The two days passed quickly and uneventfully. The cargo was still left forgotten, just waiting…waiting…

River landed the ship perfectly, as always. She floated down to the cargo bay with Kaylee and Simon while Mal contacted Inara about their arrival before joining them. Everyone gathered on the ramp when Inara arrived on a taxi. She tossed the driver a coin while Jayne and Mal got her six bags.

"Kaylee!" Inara beamed. They ran to each other and embraced. "Simon, River, Zoe. How have you been?"

"Quite well," River smiled.

"Good," Zoe nodded.

"Very good. How about you?" Simon asked.

"Not the best. One of my regular clients became possessive."

"I'm sorry to hear that," Simon said quietly.

"No need to be. I'm grateful that you were able to stop by. I am truly indebted to you all."

"It really wasn't a problem," River assured her.

They exchanged smiles.

"We'll take your things to one of the passenger's rooms," Mal said as he passed her.

"Yes, thank you."

Jayne followed him. Kaylee led Inara towards the kitchen and told her the good news. Mal could hear their excited screams. He just shook his head muttering, "Women."

"Captain," Simon called.

"Yes?" Mal replied as he met him in the corridor.

"Can I go planet-side to pick up a few things?"

"Yeah sure."

"Thank you."

"No problem."

Simon left as River appeared.

"Hey there sweetheart. I was wonderin'-"

"No, Inara doesn't know yet."

He sighed and put his arm across her shoulders. "Wanna go get somethin' to eat?"

"Sure."

They walked into the kitchen where Inara and Kaylee were catching up. Mal ignored them and moved to the cupboards.

"What are you feelin' like, darlin'?" he asked.

"It's all protein to me."

He laughed. "True."

He picked something at random and handed it to her. She opened it and took a bite of one side. She held it up for him to take a bite out of too, but kept moving it away at the last second. He looked at her with puppy dog eyes and she reluctantly held it still long enough for him to take a bite.

They decided to sit with Inara and Kaylee. He put his arm around the back of River's chair and she kept holding the protein bar up for him to take nibbles of.

"So how have things been?" Inara asked, eyeing them carefully.

"Good," they said in unison.

"Has anything changed since I've been gone?" she pressed.

"Kaylee and Simon are expectin' a little one."

"I heard. That's marvelous news."

"Ain't shiny?" Kaylee giggled.

"Sure is mei mei," Mal agreed with his idiot grin.

"You seem happier," Inara commented.

"'Cause I am."

"You have your idiot grin on your face," River let him know with a mischievous smirk of her own.

"You have your shifty face on too, darlin'."

Inara turned to Kaylee and motioned towards them with the question written on her face. Kaylee nodded excitedly.

"So you two are…?" Inara asked them directly.

"Together? Yeah, we are…" Mal said with a slight edge in his voice that only River picked up on.

"Well, congratulations. I should make sure I still have all of my things. I don't trust Jayne with my more expensive items. Excuse me."

She got up and left with Kaylee following closely behind. Mal turned to River for a reading.

"She's shocked and a little surprised that you moved on…with me. We made her uncomfortable."

"It's gonna be a long ride for her then."

Simon came back with a large box of things Kaylee wanted for their baby. He set it right beside the other box and then went off to find his wife. He found her with Inara in the passenger dorms.

"I got the things we needed," Simon announced happily.

"Oh! Come on 'Nara! I wanna show you the shinnies we got for our lil baby!"

They took off for the cargo bay with Simon lagging behind. Once they got there, Kaylee went for the wrong box. She went for Patience's cargo by accident.

The screams could be heard through the entire ship followed by a gunshot.

"Kaylee and Simon!" River gasped.

Mal and River took off for the cargo bay with Zoe. Zoe and Mal had their guns ready. There was another shot. Jayne was shooting towards the floor with a terrified expression. Simon was pale and clinging to Kaylee, who was clinging back. Inara was hiding behind Jayne also looking terrified.

"What is goin' on?" Mal bellowed.

Jayne pointed towards the cargo bay floor. A big brown tarantula was crawling around. Mal leapt back and Zoe flinched.

"What is that big ass spider doin' in my cargo bay?" Mal asked.

"There's…a whole…crate of 'em, Cap'in!" Kaylee stuttered while pointing at the large crate Mal recognized as Patience's.

Mal slowly edged towards the box. River watched as he lightly lifted the lid and then dropped it and jumped back. River shook her head.

"You all are pathetic," she sighed. "It's Lycosa tarantula. It rarely bites humans and has a low toxicity. It's big and due to its coloring, I'd say it's a female."

She slowly started moving towards it. Mal caught her arm put she pulled away. She stopped about a foot away and sank to the floor beside it. She started whispering to it and then cautiously set her hand in front of it. It crawled onto her hand.

"Mal, get me something to put it in."

He frantically looked around until he found a metallic tray with a lid. He handed it to her, making sure to stay away from the creepy-crawly now climbing up her arm. She held the tray out and it went inside it. She put the lid on. She stood up and turned towards the crew. Everyone was in shock.

"I was right to call you crazy," Jayne muttered.

"Hey!" Mal snapped.

"I don't get it. You were afraid of Book's hair, but you aren't afraid of a huge spider…" Zoe said quietly.

"I'm complex," River shrugged.

"You know," Mal began. "You ain't quite right."

"But you love me."

Mal smiled. "I think we should talk to Patience 'bout this cargo."

"I agree," River nodded.

They started towards the bridge. She still had the tray with the spider in it.

"You're brigin' that thing?"

"She's just a spider! You're scared…" she teased.

"Hell yeah I'm scared! On Shadow we had these spiders that were huge! One of 'em tried to eat me once."

"Spiders don't eat humans. They only bite if threatened."

"You really do know everything."

"I thought that was obvious."

They got to the bridge and he sent Patience a wave. Her face appeared with that twisted grin she always has.

"Malcolm."

"Seems you lied to me, Patience, 'bout what I was movin' for you."

"No I didn't!"

"You say I would be movin' food! My mechanic stumbled upon the big crate of spiders sittin' in my cargo bay that you gave me to transport. How does that work out to food anyhow?"

"On Arachne, tarantulas are a delicacy. They cook 'em up and eat 'em like snacks."

Mal couldn't hide the disgusted look on his face. River laughed in the background.

"That's all sorts of disturbin'…" he croaked.

"I don't judge. They don't have to be alive or nothin' since all they's doin' is cookin' 'em up. Let me know how much ya get, and I'll tell ya if that's the right figure. Don't lose 'em. They're expectin' one hundred or so. There's about one-fifty just in case."

Mal just cut the wave and spun around.

"Spiders as food…" he muttered. She laughed again. "What if they get out and bite on my crew?"

"They won't."

"Still," Mal sighed.

"We should get going," River suggested. Mal nodded. They took off for Arachne.

River disappeared after that. Mal looked everywhere. He finally figured out that she had to be in her room. He slid open the door.

"Hey darlin' I was-" he stopped when he saw that she was on the floor watching the same brown spider crawl around. He leapt back. She shook her head at him and put it back in the tray and shut the lid calmly as if it was an object.

"It ain't right how you dealt with that thing! You're like…a spider whisperer," Mal exclaimed.

"They're advanced creatures. They've just received some bad media."

"It's a gorram bug!"

"Actually, it isn't. They aren't insects. They're arachnids. Insects have wings. Did you know that after spiders mate, the female eats the male?"

He looked like he was about to throw up. She started laughing.

"I love messing with you," she sighed.

"Not funny!"

"But that is a true statement. They really do that."

"Too much information…"

She giggled. "I should go pilot since I _am_ the pilot."

"That makes a whole bunch of sense."

She picked up her tray and walked to the bridge. He decided to follow her. He had nothing else to do. As long as the big scary looking thing stayed in the tray and _away_ from him, he was good.

"Why do you still have that thing with you?" he asked as they reached the bridge.

She didn't have time to respond. The ship was hit from behind before the proximity alert could even go off.


	5. Chapter 5

River went to work. "There's a vessel behind us. It's not Alliance, but it has weapons. It must be a custom made because it isn't in the system."

They fired at them again. This time it was enough to cause a good jolt to the ship. Mal lurched forward, but caught himself on the back of the pilot's chair.

"Mal! Take the helm!" River cried frantically. He switched places with her.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Kaylee! She fell!"

Jayne came stumbling onto the bridge after River left. "What is goin' on?"

"River says some vessel is behind us. Custom made with weapons. Not Alliance."

He investigated as well, but that's all he could figure out before they were hit again. He finally decided to send out a wave to them. A well dressed young man appeared on the screen. His hair was jet black and pulled back. His bright, almost white blue eyes pierced Mal's.

"Who the hell are you and what do you have against my boat?" Mal shouted.

"I am Lionel Harrison, _Prince_ Lionel Harrison. I believe that Inara Serra is on your ship and I'm here to take her back to Alpheos."

"It ain't like we kidnapped her. We were just offerin' her a ride is all," Mal defended evenly.

"Then you won't mind if she comes with us then."

"No, I mind."

"Which one of you is she running off with?" Lionel growled.

"We're just old friends. The way I see it, she's a grown woman. She can go where she wants to. It ain't like she's your property to claim," Mal stared him down with cold daggers in his eyes.

"She happens to belong to me."

"I doubt it. Inara is the type of woman that lives her own life."

"So you are sleeping with my woman?"

"First off, she's ain't yours. Second off, I'm not sleepin' with her."

"I don't believe you. We're going to dock with your ship. We're taking her."

"I'm not about to let that happen."

"We'll see."

Lionel cut the wave.

"Jayne, go tell Kaylee to go to hard burn."

"Will do."

Jayne ran down the hall. Mal got ready to do some fancy flying that River taught him, but Jayne came running back shaking his head.

"Kaylee fell."

A long string of Chinese curses and a few maneuvers later, Lionel's ship collided with theirs. Mal put it on autopilot and then he went down to the cargo bay with Jayne. They ran into Inara on the way.

"What's going on?" she asked.

"That client of yours is here to take you back," Mal replied.

"I'm sorry! I didn't realize that he would have found me and followed me."

"Don't worry about that now. We'll go down and deal with this."

Inara went with them.

"A prince, not bad…" Mal commented.

The door flew open and men with guns flooded the cargo bay. Mal quickly pushed Inara out of their line of sight and told her to find a place to hide.

"Welcome aboard guys!" he called down to them. "I'm Captain Reynolds."

"I don't give a damn what your name is. Where is she?" Lionel asked.

"Can't rightly say."

"Take them," Lionel ordered. His men went up the steps to take Jayne and Mal, but they fought back and Jayne got shot in the arm.

"Still don't know where she is?" Lionel asked.

"No clue," Mal smiled. He was rewarded with a punch to the face.

"INARA! YOU BETTER COME OUT RIGHT NOW OR THESE MEN WILL PAY FOR YOUR ACTIONS!" Lionel roared.

"Alright, alright! Don't harm them!" she replied shakily as she entered with her hands in the air.

"Bring her here!" Lionel barked.

His men took her by force to _Prince_ Lionel.

"Why did you desert me? You shamed me!" Lionel spat.

"I am very sorry. Please accept my apology. I will return with you if you leave my friends to their business…" she bowed her head submissively.

"You will marry me?" he asked.

"I…"

He slapped her across the face. Mal punched the nearest man and took out the other one by ramming his head into the railing. The rest of Lionel's men now had their guns trained on him. Inara looked at him and shook her head gravely.

"I'm taking you either way. For your disobedience, your 'friends' shall pay. Take everyone aboard prisoner. We're taking their ship."

Mal and Jayne fought back, but they were outnumbered. Mal wound up on the floor, face down, with a lump on the back of his head from the gunstock, and his hands bound behind his back. Jayne was bound in a similar way. The men set out to search for anyone else on the ship. They returned sometime later with Simon and Kaylee.

"This is everyone," one of the men said with a great deal of certitude.

"Are you sure?" Lionel asked.

"We looked in every room, under everything, all of the nooks and crannies, and we found no one except for these two, your highness."

"Good work. Kent, go shut of the navigation. Yang, keep a few men posted around the ship just in case. Everyone else, back to the ship."

They pulled Mal to his feet. He was glad that Zoe and River had avoided capture. If anyone could get them out of this mess, they could. So, he went somewhat willingly while thinking as loudly as he could about all of the information he had on the situation. He just hoped that River was listening.

********

River had helped Kaylee up from the bottom of the steps where she fell and into the infirmary. She knew that the baby was okay and Simon confirmed it. River heard Mal's thoughts. They were about to be boarded. The sudden lurch confirmed it. Being the fighter that he was, he was on his way to the cargo bay to take them down. She sensed they would be too much for him to handle. She quickly and effortlessly went through the variables and decided on the best course of action.

"Simon, we've been boarded. They will come for you. Don't fight, go willingly. I'll get us out of this. You trust me, right?" River asked.

"Yes, but mei mei I don't think that-"

It was too late. She was gone. He sighed and tended to Kaylee. River knew that her only shot was Zoe. She had been knocked out during the first shot they took. She rushed to Zoe's bunk and slid down the ladder. Zoe was just starting to come around.

"Zoe, we have to hide."

"River…what's goin' on?"

"Just come with me. I'll explain later."

Zoe didn't argue. River helped her to her feet and out of her bunk. She lifted the grating from the floor and helped Zoe down into it. She pulled it back over them quickly before they could be discovered.

"Be still and quiet. I'll answer later."

Zoe nodded. They stayed silent and motionless as the men rushed around above them. When it was safe, River helped Zoe out and sat her down on the floor. She had hit her head pretty hard.

"We were hit by a custom ship. It belongs to some prince, Inara's pushy client. He's here to take her back. We were boarded. Mal and Jayne fought, but they were greatly outnumbered. The boob got hit over the head and Jayne got shot. Simon and Kaylee are with them now too. Mal says they're locking them up in a cell on the other ship. Someone is coming to shut off the navigation. People will be on the ship."

"Mal says?"

"He's sending it mentally. He knows I'm listening. We need a plan."

Zoe nodded and tried to come up with one while blocking out the pain. A few minutes went by before River made Zoe get up and go into the storage locker. A few men walked by just moments later.

"I know where they are in the other ship. There's a code on the door. Mal saw the last few numbers. I can crack it once we get there."

"Good. We need to take back the ship first. Then we can storm theirs."

"I agree. I'm sensing about fifteen people throughout the ship."

"No problem."

"We can't kill them. They're just following his orders."

"What do you suggest then?"

"We knock them out and lock them in the room where we kept Mathis or lock them in one of the bunks, depending on their position."

"Let's get movin' then."

River nodded and they swiftly moved out of the storage locker. River motioned towards the bridge. There were two men there. Zoe held up her hand and motioned to split apart and take them down simultaneously. River let her know that she understood and then they knocked the men out cold. They dropped them into Kaylee and Simon's bunk knowing that it would be free of any weapons. They locked it after doing so and then moved throughout the ship.

They took down two men in the engine room and added them to Kaylee and Simon's bunk. Then they moved to the cargo bay where they slipped by to the passenger dorms undetected. They took down four more and locked them in Mathis' old cell…"room."

"There are seven in the cargo bay, well armed and well trained" River whispered on their way.

"Do you think we can take them?"

"If you provide cover fire, I can easily take them down. Getting them to the passenger dorms might be a problem…"

"We can just toss them into the hold."

"Good idea. I'm going to slip around for a better tactical position. You'll know when to fire. Try to avoid hitting them and getting hit."

"I know. This ain't my first rodeo."

River smiled and then gracefully moved around towards the back. She slid down the railing on her bare feet silently. She nodded and Zoe started shooting. A kick to the back of the head, and then one man was down. Two more fell down before they realized it was the gunfire that was taking them down. River took a hit across the face, but it was only enough to hurt not to do any damage. She flipped off of the wall and knocked two more out. The last two were the easiest. She just rammed their heads together and they fell down.

Zoe helped her dump them into the hold.

"Good work," Zoe said stoically.

"Good shooting. I have an idea. I need something from Simon's infirmary. I'll be back."

Zoe opened her mouth to reply, but River was already gone.

She returned moments later.

"What's the plan?" Zoe asked.

River just smiled.


	6. Chapter 6

Mal leaned against the wall of the cell trying to send everything he could to River mentally. Simon was busy taking care of Jayne's arm while Kaylee took it easy. Inara was with Lionel.

"Where the hell is Zoe? She shoulda been helpin' us fight!" Jayne growled.

_We took a right, went down a long bright hall, into an elevator on the left, down to level three, straight until the green sign, then a left, an immediate right, and there's a big blue door. There's a guard on it, but you can take him down easy. The door opens by key. Once inside there's a cell and another guard. The code was punched in too fast, but it's six numbers. The last two are nine and zero._

"Mal! Gorramit are you listenin' to me?" Jayne snapped.

"I'm tryin' to help us get outta here!" he shot back.

"How? Yer just standin' there!"

Mal ignored him and went back to sending the information.

********

"This is crazy," Zoe sighed.

"That's why it will work. I have all the information I need to get us to everyone else. Inara is with the prince."

"You're sure about this?"

"Yes."

"Okay. You really are a perfect fit with Mal. You two are insane."

River grinned and then Zoe opened the door. There were three guys posted outside the other one. River hated guns, Mal told her _no touching guns_, but in times like these it had to be done. She had "borrowed" a gun from one of the guys in the hold. Three shots, three men, three bleeding kneecaps. Zoe didn't even have time to aim before all three were on the ground.

She got the door open and they headed in. They were like ghosts moving through the halls. No one heard or saw them. Luckily River had been with Zoe. Zoe was the only one that could match her stealth and efficiency. Jayne was a great shot, but he was like a bull in a china shop. Mal was a bit quieter, but he lacked the grace required for this particular mission.

_Right. _River took the right and they kept moving. She stopped suddenly and mashed a button on the left side of the hallway. _Elevator on the left, level three._ They got into the elevator after knocking out the man inside. The doors opened and they had to knock out a few more men. Then they kept walking for what seemed like an eternity. She stopped again.

"Level three," River muttered as she read the Chinese characters on the green sign. She made a left and then a sharp right. The guard was there at the blue door. Zoe bashed his head into the wall, then River fished the keys out of his pocket. She unlocked the door.

"There's a man inside," River whispered as she moved out of the way. Zoe nodded.

She kicked the door. It flew open. She shot the man in the foot and then slammed him into the wall.

"Sir," Zoe said calmly.

Mal half smiled at her, but broke into a wide grin when River gracefully entered.

"I got your information. It helped quite a bit," she said happily.

"I knew you would," he replied just as happily.

River looked at the numbers on the lock. Her brain quickly ran through the possible combinations. She punched the various numbers ending with "9-6" and the door swung open.

"I love my mathematician," Mal sighed.

"River has a crazy plan, Sir. We'll need your help, but everyone else should go back to the ship."

"I like crazy plans. You heard her. Back to the ship."

Jayne strode past them and then Simon and Kaylee followed him.

"Oh and Simon," River called after him.

"What is it?" he asked.

"The bad guys are locked up in your bunk."

"What?"

"Just don't go down there."

Simon shook his head and walked away.

"Okay darlin', what's this plan of yours?"

********

Inara sat bound to a chair in Lionel's room. He was ranting about disrespect and so forth. She was working on freeing herself from the ropes. He had hit her at least four times since they got onto his fancy ship.

"How dare you refuse my offer time and time again!" he cried for at least the hundredth time.

Another slap was on the way when a bloodcurdling scream rang out through the filtered air. He rushed to the door and pulled it open. The men outside of his door were gone and instead, large spiders were crawling towards him. He leapt back, screaming as well. Inara got one hand free. The man he knew as Captain Reynolds came walking down the hall with two women that he didn't recognize.

"Lionel, let's chat…" Mal smiled.

River calmly picked up the two spiders she let loose and set them on the tray. They entered his room. Inara was able to free herself completely. She stood beside Mal, who was standing as far away from River as possible.

"Tie him up, Zoe."

"Gladly."

Zoe tied him down the way that Inara had been tied up.

"Listen Lionel, we'll let the ship takeover slide _if_ you let Inara go. Never talk to her, contact her, or try to get to her ever again."

"No!" he snapped.

"Sweetheart, let loose with your freakish plan."

She beamed and set the two spiders on his lap along with the other two she brought along. He started squirming and screaming.

"These are poisonous. They'll kill you in an instant. Won't they, darlin'?" Mal asked.

"Oh yes."

"One little bite from them, you'll be dead in seconds…" Mal added.

The man shouted and moved around. The arachnids stayed on him and started crawling up him.

"Their bite feels like a sharp pain," Mal continued. "Like a…jab from a needle."

River discreetly jabbed him in the leg with a needle she brought from the infirmary. Lionel screamed.

"It bit me! It bit me!"

"Well, ain't that a shame. We _might_ have the anti-venom with us. If you leave Inara alone for good, we'll give it to you. If you don't, we'll just be on our merry." River held up a vile of water..."anti-venom."

"I'll leave her alone! I will!" he cried.

"If you don't, we will find you and next time we'll have somethin' worse than spiders…" Mal threatened.

"I will! I will!"

"Apologize to the lady," Mal said as he pointed at Inara.

"I'm sorry!"

"You have to mean it! With feeling! Don't you feel the venom workin'? It's like your heart is racin' and you're shakin'…"

"I feel it! Oh God, Inara I'm so sorry. I…I'm sorry."

Inara smiled.

"Give me the anti-venom! Please!" Lionel sobbed. River put the vile in his hand and then collected the creepy-crawlies. She put them back except for one, which she let crawl on her hand. It was the big brown spider she played with earlier in the day.

"River, tell the man about these critters…" Mal said, unable to suppress a smile.

"She is a Lycosa tarantula. Their venom is barely toxic to humans. They rarely bite, and actually made good pets."

"You mean…I'm not going to die?"

"It didn't even bite you. It was me with a needle, but I've killed with a pen before. So don't back out of our agreement."

He looked relieved. Mal laughed.

"Goodbye, Lionel. We'll send over your men from my boat."

Inara left, then Mal, then Zoe. River stayed behind and held the spider out towards his face before adding it to the tray. She laughed at the terrified look in his eyes and then followed everyone else out.

"That was a brilliant plan," Mal commented as he took River's hand.

"I know. _I'm_ the one that thought it up."

"You're such a know-it-all," Mal chucked. She playfully punched him.

They returned the men to their boat. Luckily no one was killed. Then they returned to their course for Arachne.

"I would like to thank you for everything you've done for me and apologize for what happened," Inara said to Mal as they sat around the kitchen table.

"No need to apologize to me or thank me. You're an old friend," he replied.

River's laughter echoed through the ship as Simon darted into the kitchen. River followed with the open tray with the brown spider in it.

"Oh come on! She's sweet!" she called after him.

"Get that thing _away_ from me!"

"It's not a thing! It's a _she_! I'm naming her Daisy!"

"No! No! _Daisy_?"

"What? It's a good name!"

"For a puppy or a bunny, not an insect!"

"Spiders are not insects! Why don't you hold her?"

She chased him out of the room and then held the tray out towards Inara and Mal.

"Do you want to hold her?"

"No…thank you…" Inara said slowly.

"No," Mal said.

"Mal, you must get over your fear. Please?"

She batted her eyes at him. He looked away.

"_Please_?"

He knew it. He just knew it. He melted _again_.

"I can't believe I'm doin' this…" he muttered as he held out his hand.

She steadied his hand with hers and then carefully picked it up and put it on his. It felt very weird and a bit scary to hold the huge spider. It crawled into River's other hand and stayed there as she lowered it back into the tray.

"Thank you, Mal. I love you…" she kissed his cheek.

"You're gonna owe me for that later."

She winked and skipped off. Inara looked at him with a classic Inara look.

"She has you whipped."

"Hey, no! No."

"She does. She has you completely under her control."

"Okay maybe."

"You don't mind, do you?"

"Not at all."

"Do you love her?"

"Yes."

"How long have you been together?"

"A little over a week, but we've had feelin's longer than that."

"I'm not passing judgment. I'm happy for you."

They smiled. Jayne came bounding in panting.

"That gorram crazy moonbrain! Damnit Mal! Control your woman! She's chasin' Simon with that spider and then she turned it on me! It was lookin' at me!"

Inara laughed. "Mal held it."

"WHAT? YOU HELD THE THING? Well damn, she has you whipped!"

Inara laughed harder to the point of tears streaming down her face.

"I…told…him…that…!" she managed.

"I don't have to take this!" Mal growled. By the time he left, Inara was still laughing and Jayne had joined in.

He found Simon and River running around. Simon leapt into the infirmary and shut the doors to keep River out.

"Simon…" River called.

"You're such a brat!" he replied through the door.

"You should really stop buggin' your brother," Mal said with his best "captainy" voice.

"Alright. Simon, _Mal_ held her!"

"Mal is crazy!"

"Hey! I was tryin' to help you!" Mal snapped.

River giggled and decided to spend some time with Mal instead. She hooked her arm with his.

"Let's spend sometime together."

"You me and your spider?"

"Well, she helped us! We owe her!"

He looked down at the critter. It sent chills down his spine. But River looked at it with bright eyes and a smile like it was the most amazing thing in the world.

"How can you like that…her?" he asked.

"She's like I use to be. Misunderstood. Everyone's afraid, won't go near her. She's not dangerous unless provoked. She just…reminds me of me."

He kissed her lightly. "Bring her along then. If she's like you, I should get along with her."

River smiled and they went off to spend some time together.


	7. Chapter 7

Life with Inara back seemed almost natural. She fell back into place seamlessly. The rest of the trip to Arachne was uneventful, unless you count River beating Jayne up.

River was sitting at the table drawing when Jayne walked in. Daisy was on the table and of course Jayne didn't know that River had become attached to her. So, he went at her with his knife. She grabbed his wrist, twisted his arm, stomped on his foot, and pushed him into the bulkhead. But other than that, the trip was routine.

"Thank you again," Inara said as she gave everyone a hug goodbye. Even Jayne got a hug.

"Are you sure this is a good port of harbor?" Mal asked.

"It is. Is it alright if I drop you a wave every now again?" she asked.

"Of course," Mal smiled.

Inara took her things and walked out into the city. They were sad to see her go, but they were going in different directions.

The meet was in a day. Simon and Kaylee went out on the town. Jayne went out as well, probably to a bar. Zoe decided to go shopping for a few things that the ship needed. But Mal and River decided to stay in and relax.

He was sprawled out on the couch and she was sitting on the floor leaning up against it. She was letting Daisy crawl around a little bit. Mal still didn't like spiders, but he was getting use to Daisy. River carefully held out her hand and Daisy climbed onto it. River put her back into the little tray she was using as a temporary home for her. She set it back down on the table and turned towards him.

"Mal," River began.

"Yes darlin'?"

"I need to ask you something…"

"Okay."

"Can I keep Daisy?"

"I knew this would come up…"

"They're going to _eat_ her!"

"I don't know if this ship can take a baby and a pet!"

"They make great pets. The enclosures are small and don't need cleaning often. They don't eat a lot."

"What do they eat?"

"Bugs."

"So I'd have bugs on my boat?"

"They only have to be fed every two weeks or so. I really _really_ want to keep her."

"River, I just-"

"She doesn't deserve to be killed and devoured as a snack!"

He looked at her and sighed.

"Baby _please_?"

"There's a few conditions 'fore I can let her on my boat. One, she stays in your room. When she ain't in your room, she's in her cage 'less I give you express permission to let her roam. Two, you take care of her. She's yours. You feed her, you change the cage, you get the bugs which _stay_ in the cage. Three, you will stop terrorizin' and beatin' on my crew."

"Thank you! I love you so much!" she climbed on top of him and started kissing him all over.

"I'm whipped," he sighed as he came to the sad realization.

She laughed. "You wouldn't just let an innocent creature die. You're sweet like that."

"But I ain't doin' this for her, I'm doin' it for _you_."

She grinned and kissed him before settling down against his shoulder. He put his arms around her. The tray moved and he jumped. River giggled.

"Just make sure you get a cage that can hold her. Otherwise one of us is gonna end up killin' her," Mal warned.

"I will."

The meet went smoothly and all of the other spiders were sold for the full asking price. River went into town and got an aquarium with the works for Daisy. Everyone else was a little freaked out by the new edition to the crew. Zoe was okay with it. She didn't like spiders, but if it made River happy…well, that made Mal happy. As long as Mal was happy and the creepy thing stayed away from her, it was all good.

********

"That's the full price alright. I s'ppose that means ya get fifty," Patience sighed.

"That it does," Mal nodded.

She tossed Mal the bag. He caught it and then passed it to Zoe.

"No guns this time," he commented.

"That can change if'n yer feelin' like it."

"No, no. This is refreshin'."

"Did the gorram critters cause trouble?"

"Why does it sound like you want the answer to be 'yes'?"

Patience just smiled.

"No, they were fine. Actually, my girlfriend kept one for a pet."

Patience looked horrified.

"That's my girl. She named her Daisy."

"That girl of yours…she ain't quite right…" Patience replied.

"She seems right as rain to me. Goodbye, Patience. If you had shot me, she would of come after you…"

"Then it's a good thing I didn't."

Mal nodded and they started back to the ship.

"Where to now, Sir?" Zoe asked.

"Persephone. Badger's got some things for us to pick up. Then we should take a break."

"Sir?"

"We have the funds. I need a break…"

"I ain't stayin' on the gorram ship with that gorram creepy-crawly thing! Yer takin' it with you if you go anyplace!" Jayne snapped.

"Wimp," Zoe muttered as she passed him.

"It's a big ass freaky bug!"

"That you're bigger than! He ain't afraid," Zoe smirked as she pointed at Mal.

"That's 'cause he's sexin' the spider's crazy keeper!"

"Watch it Jayne!" Mal growled. "Or I'll have my crazy woman and her pet come after you while you sleep!"

"You wouldn't!"

"I would."

"He would, Jayne."

Jayne grunted while Zoe laughed. They headed into the ship to fly another day.

**The end**

_Disclaimer: Joss is boss. Lyrics belong to Keith Urban, not me. Any characters you didn't recognize are mine. _

_PS: There will be another continuation and for the record, I hate spiders. It just seemed right that River would like them…_


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